November 19

A Monster In The Drain



I came home from a Disney World vacation to a clogged drain. It was in the kitchen. I ran the disposal a few times and noticed the water came rising back like a water zombie (Do water zombies exist? I need to look into this). I kept trying to see if the disposal would eventually force whatever clogged the drain but the water returned all the same. Putting my Sherlock hat on, I noticed little tiny white pieces of rice rose out of the drain. So I figured somehow, someone shoved a little too much rice down the drain.

It seemed ridiculous. How much rice does it take to clog the pipes? I didn’t want to find out. Instead, I summoned Mjolnir (aka. the plunger) and got to work plunging the sink. It’s not recommend, but I carried on nevertheless. It’s fixed clogs in the past. I had to try.

I plunged and plunged and plunged, but the great watery beast fought back with a roaring vengeance. The disposal didn’t work. Mjolnir the plunger didn’t work. The third and last option sounded awful but I was running out of ideas. I plunged once more, waited, and almost threw Mjolnir on the floor when I saw the water rise again. My next path was clear. I had to open up the pipes under the sink. Knowing rice kept regurgitating into the sink, I figured I’d find a big rice ball.

Equipping myself with an abundance of towels, buckets, and tools, I got to work take the pipes apart. As a side note, I’ve never done this before and didn’t even consult YouTube. Plumbers be damned, I depended on my pride and headstrong attitude to guide me through the dark.


Surprisingly, the first pipe connecting the disposal to the other drain pipe wasn’t too hard to disconnect. Once I did, I didn’t find anything plugging it up, making me believe it was further down the abyss.

Knowing Newton’s Third Law, I prepared for the inevitable gush of putrid water once I removed the first pipe. Indeed, like a prisoner waiting to be free, it spewed and rushed out the moment I opened it up. With towel and bucket at the ready, I captured it swiftly, keeping most of the cabinetry unsoiled.

The second pipe was also free and clear of clogging but then my attention went to the trap. Lo and behold, the white glistening monster appeared and it showed itself not as rice but shredded spaghetti noodles. At this point, it would be fun to say the spaghetti monster attacked me but this isn’t fiction. This happened. But how?

It quickly came to my attention that someone, who will remain nameless, dumped a truckload of spaghetti noodles down the disposal before we left for our Disney vacation. From this point, I discovered noodles clogged all the pipes all the way to the pipe that entered the wall. I feared if the spaghetti monster traveled too deep within the chasm, I’d be powerless to defeat it.

The worst came with the smell. Rank and unrelenting, it smelled like excrement married vomit and had a baby. Yet, I powered through, cleaning all the pipes and ensuring all the noodles vanquished. To my delight, the beast traveled only so far and could be totally removed.

Once I fixed it all, washing, scrubbing, and scrapping every last remnant of noodle, I repaired the pipes and made sure everything went back to normal. Peace returned to the land.

Hopefully, the spaghetti monster won’t.



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